Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
