Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
