I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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