You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
