Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
