I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
