when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
