4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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