Is it normal to miss your booty call?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
