i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
