MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
try to milk me bitch
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
