1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Boobs speak an international language.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
