You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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