You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
