when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
