So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
its not stalking. its research.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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