Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
