Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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