I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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