she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
