I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize