he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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