there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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