I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
