Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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