I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm too high and old for this...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
