I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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