im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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