You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
