I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
