I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
