My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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