Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
