In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I need to sanitize my soul.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
