I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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