i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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