dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
