I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
