I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
