it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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