There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize