I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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