When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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