1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
