There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
