I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
whose ass print is on the piano?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
