His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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