Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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