Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
