I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
