hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
