OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
