You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
