It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
