So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
