Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
