Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
