she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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