This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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