after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
