Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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