I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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