It's a beautiful day for a hangover
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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