You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
