The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Bring me that man meat
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
