you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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