"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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