now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize