just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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