I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
