im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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