i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
