And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
