No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
