She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
