Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
